Volume 10: The Saga of 'Squirrelington' (Case # 39536)

Plus, recovered sentimental items, a new business of the month and some newly published articles ...

The clock just hit midnight, so Happy Fourth of July, RPR readers!

Normally I spend this holiday in a post Chinese takeout stupor binge-watching The Twilight Zone marathon. But after SciFi pulled the plug on the marathon (and killed my decades-long tradition), I had to find something else to do with the holiday. Enter the Skippack Fourth of July parade, where the photo of me with the Flat Earther car was taken (above).

‘We’ve got to help him, dad!’

A few weeks ago, my kids and I walked out of the house to find a baby squirrel clinging to the giant Oak Tree in front of our house. It didn’t scurry when we approached, and it had a bit of blood on its face. I wasn’t sure what to do with it, but when my kids made it clear that leaving it wasn’t an option.

”We’ve got to help him, dad!’ my six-year-old daughter screamed until I finally agreed to do something if she would just stop screaming. After a little bit of Googling, I decided my best course of action would be to put it in a cardboard box near where I found it and see if its mother would to claim it. (Before you ask, well why couldn’t the dad squirrel be the one to retrieve it, understand this, smartass: I spent 15 minutes researching injured baby squirrels on the internet, so I clearly know more than you about this, and my research was very clear about this one thing — squirrel fathers are heartless and there’s a real epidemic of absentee dads in squirrel world. So, no, it couldn’t have been the dad.)

Anyway, after I put “Spuirrelington,” as my kids named it, in the box, I immediately texted my neighbors, Johnny (check out Services On Q!) and Tara for advice. Before taking up temporary residence in our flooded out property following Ida to help with the clean-up process, Tara was literally scouring the wreckage of the Collegeville area looking to save displaced creatures like crayfish that were washed away from their homes. Some time around this period, Johnny also brought home the most pathetic-looking stray cat you ever did see. Basically, these kids have huge hearts and, like us, they’re suckers for injured animals.

Tara recommended the Aark Wildlife Rehabilitation and Education Center in Chalfont, Pa. She also suggested I keep the squirrel locked in our bathroom to keep it safe from predators. I did the both, but I probably should’ve told my wife about the latter, because when she came home from a 12 hour shift in the burn unit to take a shower, she walked into the bathroom, screamed and quickly exited to ask me a bunch of not-entirely unreasonable questions about why a squirrel was in our bathroom.

The next morning the kids and I loaded Squirrelington into the Corolla and made the 40-minute trip down to the Aark headquarters. The woman who took her (Squirrelington is apparently a she), one of only a handful of full-time workers in a predominately volunteer-run operation, said Squirrelington likely suffered some head trauma, but felt confident she could help the little lady enough to return her to the wild. I even got a case number - 39536 - to check in on my squirrel’s progress at Aark.

The Strat Lives!

When we initially were flooded, I was just happy our house wasn’t completely destroyed. But in the months that followed, I started taking inventory on all the sentimental items that Ida had taken from us. I didn’t care about the big, expensive items like the furniture. It was the irreplaceable stuff — the photos, the hand-written family history my now decreased Aunt Millie wrote out for me, the cabinet with my dad’s old photos and camera — that I got me. Luckily, just before heading up to the second floor and leaving the floodwaters to do what they would with the first floor of our home, I had the presence of mind to grab my cream Fender Stratocaster guitar (a guitar Liz had gotten me for getting her an engagement ring!) and place it on top of the a table which we’d placed on top of a couch. When I grabbed the strat the next morning, it was a little muddy and it looked like it had taken on some water, but it didn’t look ruined — or so I hoped.

Since my amp had been destroyed in the flood, I had no way of knowing whether the strat actually still worked. But for Father’s Day, Liz got me a new amp. I powered it up, plugged in the patch cord, made a wish and strummed. The guitar was disgustingly out of tune, but it played! Now I will continue my lifelong goal of learning the “Heartbreaker” solo.

Business of the Month: Aark Wildlife Rehabilitation and Education Center Restoration

When I dropped off the baby squirrel, I learned that Aark (not an acronym) treats around 5,000 animals each year. I was so impressed with place that I’m seriously considering taking the kids to volunteer there in the near future.

Here’s how the website describes the organization:

Aark is a non-profit wildlife rehabilitation and education center with its mission divided into three major areas – rehabilitation, education and training; each with the common goal of fostering the care and understanding of wildlife.

As a rehabilitation center,  Aark sets broken bones, treats illnesses, and provides food and shelter for birds and mammals that have been injured or orphaned and are unable to care for themselves. The goal is to return these creatures to their natural environment as quickly as possible. Every effort is made to avoid interfering with the development of those natural characteristics that enable each wild creature to survive in the wild.  Annually more than 5,500 birds and mammals find aid and shelter at Aark, making it the busiest wildlife center in Pennsylvania.

As an education center, Aark provides several different programs each year including summer camp, winter education classes and on and offsite program. These programs help inform attendees of the proper ways to handle injured or orphaned wildlife, and encourage them to appreciate wildlife with respect and from a safe distance. It also stresses the fact that the best place for a wild animal is in the wild and that bringing an animal to Aark is a last resort.

As a training center,  Aark and its staff devote a portion of their schedules to educating individuals interested in learning how to respect and care for wildlife. Aark and its intern program credited by many regional colleges and universities that offer academic credit for the rigorous program offered under the guidance and direction of Aark Staff. Annually, students, referred to as “interns,” gain invaluable experience in the handling and care of wounded creatures and orphaned animals.

Aark is staffed by a group of wildlife professionals and dedicated trained volunteers who provide service 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Depending upon the age and/or injury a wounded or orphaned animal may require attention every hour throughout the day and night. Assistance is also available by trained professionals via phone inquiries on a variety of questions relating to injured or orphaned animals ranging from whether or not an animal is in need of human help to safely capturing and transporting a wounded animal to our center. Aark is open 24 hours a day for drop off.

Odds & Ends

• Disaster-related podcast: Floodlines. This podcast was recommended by Dr. Samantha Montano (whose newsletter Disasterology I strongly recommend) and described as being about “… some of the broad issues with the response to Hurricane Katrina and the federal levee failure.”
  
  The 2022 Hurricane and Tropical Storm Names. Unless you’ve been flooded (like me) or you’re a disaster-preparation and -management expert (like Dr. Montano) you probably aren’t obsessed with the extremely healthy number of potential disaster-causing storms we have on the docket for this Hurricane season. That said, even if you believe global warming is a hoax and extreme weather is bullshit, you can still check out this list for potential unique baby names.

• A fun palette-cleansing article written by yours truly and the amazing Chip Chantry about what Netflix categories should be called: “More Honest, Specific and Useful Netflix Categories.”

Want me to write about something specific? Let me know

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Til Next Time,
Jared